New Year, Slightly Different Me
Hi there. It's me, your friendly neighbourhood Capricorn.
Have you given any thought to the New Year? Any idea what kind of goals you want to set, new things you want to try, or connections you want to make? No?
Well, I have. When I was a kid the week between Christmas and New Years Eve was when I would play around with my Christmas toy haul. But now that I'm an adult I find this time to be really...weird. Christmas Day comes and goes and then...what? Stores are open again, but it's only a matter of time until they close for New Years Eve/Day, so there's not much of a point in starting anything new. Personally, I think the whole week should be a holiday off work for everybody. I always found myself at a loss as to what to do. Until last year.
2020 was a huge year for me. I quit my job working at a grocery store, which was huge. Ever since I was 15, I have always had a job. Suddenly I had all of this free time, and that made it difficult to decide what to do next. I did some really cool stuff, but it all sort of happened to me, you know? For 2021 I wanted to have a little more control. I thought about how I was going to keep track of everything I wanted to do, and that's when it struck me-vision boards.
I had heard of vision boards from a couple influencer-types and friends of mine who love Pinterest a lot. It didn't really seem like my thing. All the images I saw of them were Tumblr-esque pictures of the ocean with glittery calligraphy on it that said things like "remember to breathe" and it all seemed kinda vague and aimless. I mean, if you have to remember to breathe I think you may need more help than just a vision board. But then I thought "screw it, if I'm gonna make a vision board, then it's gonna be how I want it, and it's gonna be more direct than this."
So last year, I made one. I gave the year a theme, and outlined some of the things I wanted to accomplish, so that come New Years Eve I wasn't smacked in the face with existential dread about my life and what I was gonna do with it for the next 365 days.
I've found vision boards to be a great way to visualize what you want. If I can picture something happening, I'm more likely to bring it to fruition in real life. I believe the new-agey term for this is "manifesting."
This year's theme, I decided, was "The Year You Get Yours."
As you'll see in this post, I didn't quite "get mine." I mean, I think I got some things that I've been working towards for a long time. But I'm still very much not a "working actor," and I am still very much "living in my mom's house." But it's not like I did nothing this year. Some of my biggest highlights were:
- "we could be"
- Being selected to be a part of Theatre Gargantua's Emerging Artist's Roundtable
- Getting asked (and paid!) to be in two of my friend's workshops
- Being a part of "You Can Do It Put Your MASK Into It!" at the Toronto Fringe Festival
- Writing, filming, and editing all the Chill Spot Shorts
- Securing funding to do my first proper workshop for my first ever play
But did I accomplish everything I set my mind to this year? Well...not quite. But! I remain optimistic for the year ahead. And as I look back on the goals I set for myself, I can totally see where I need to rein myself in, and where I can stand to go even harder.
So let's take a look over "The Year You Get Yours!" And hopefully you find something inspirational for yourself in these slides as well.
Career-Get you one.
Oof. This one hurt to look at a little bit.
This slide depicts multiple people whose careers I idolized. I imagined that by the end of 2021, I'd be a lot further along in my own career than I am right now (that top middle picture is my cartoon head pasted over Megan Thee Stallion. Yeah). The problem with this slide, I have learned, is that I totally thought I could accomplish everything on it (becoming a professional writer, running Chill Spot as a production company, and being an all around Hot Girl) in one year. I spread myself way too thin and in turn wound up doing four things sort of well and not making a ton of progress. There were upsides for sure (see the above list), but overall I was lacking focus.
Recently, I was talking to a friend about this, and he made this fantastic point: pulling equally in four directions results in no movement. You have to pick one track and stay on it. I hated hearing that, but it's true. A lot of my idols are multi-hyphenates (like Issa Rae and Mindy Kaling) so I just want to do all of the cool stuff they do! But even they started out with one thing. I have to choose one thing.
Hobbies-Get into some.
If you've read my last blog post, or even the one before it you'll know that I absolutely crushed this. Hobbies saved my life this year. At the beginning of 2021, I threw all of the suggestions onto the slide in the hopes that I would indulge in at least one. Just to be clear, the pictures on the slide represent:
- Video games
- Rollerskating
- SNL (sketch comedy as a whole, really)
- Learning French
- Hip-hop history
- Basketball
- Recreational reading
As of this writing, I can proudly say that I partook in four out of the seven suggestions. We all know I love skating and reading, but I also watched every episode of SNL this year (except for the Elon Musk episode. The way he colonized Grimes' mind is a crime), and I am currently the proud owner of a 186 day Duolingo streak, merci beaucoup. I also discovered a love of crafting I didn't think I had-I started making bookmarks as a reward for my Twitch followers, taught myself embroidery, and even got a little bit into bookbinding!
The Rolling Stones Patch I made Cam's dad for Christmas.
My first ever really challenging bookmark-a Polyhedron from the game "Pathologic 2."
Falling in love with so many activities was a chance for me to like myself. I like who I am when I'm skating, or crafting, or laughing at a really good sketch either I or somebody else wrote. And I love the way my voice sounds when I'm speaking French. I feel like I took that positive version of myself with me even when I was doing non-hobby related stuff, and in turn, some really good energy came back from the people who saw that side of me. And that positive energy really helped me get through this year. In a way, I think I needed to focus on liking myself more than I needed a career this year. So even though I didn't achieve everything I wanted to in my professional life, I'm grateful to have had this time to do all these cool things in my personal time. It helped. I really think it helped.
Relationships-Nurture you some.
This was a tough slide to look back on too.
I care a lot about the people in my life. I choose who I keep around me very carefully, and if you make it into that inner circle, you've secured my undying loyalty for life. When I made this slide, I genuinely wanted to pour more time into getting to know each and every person on it more closely, and in turn, open myself up more to them so that they can know me as well.
But then, halfway through the year, one of my friends started going through a really tough time. I wanted to help them through it, but they just weren't helping themselves. I was spending so much time talking to them, checking in on them, and letting them vent to me about their problems but...they weren't being proactive about their situation. And eventually I came to the realization that there's nothing I or anyone else could do to make them fix their problem. So I stepped away.
Stepping away from my friend hurt a LOT, but then...my friend got through it and just kinda moved on. No pomp and circumstance. No major movie moment where they realize what they've done and make some sort of drastic change. They just kinda...got through it. Or maybe over it? To be honest, I'm not quite sure, I never got the whole story. I just know they're okay now. It reminded me that humans are an extremely durable breed, and most of the time, if you leave them to it, they will figure out their problems on their own. Most people don't just let their problems steamroll them completely. And being a good friend/partner/family member doesn't always mean upending your whole life to be by someone's side. Sometimes all you have to do is listen and wish them well. When I typed "relationships-nurture you some," I felt like I had to throw myself into my relationships with others even more than I already had-but what I didn't realize was that I was already doing enough. If I had continued doing what I was doing I would have lost all sense of myself. And that's not what being a good loved one means.
New Resolutions-Make you some.
Looking back on 2021, I think the areas where I succeeded and failed helped me to see where I truly needed to focus my energy, and making this vision board really helped me pick a direction. I didn't physically look back on it often, but I kept it in my mind and used it as a compass when I didn't know where I wanted to go next.
Looking forward to 2022, I think the word of the year will be "focus." I am going to take my friend's advice and decide on what's important and stick to that. No more pressure to be a million things at once, because that just left me stressed and confused. It's time to clearly and succinctly tell myself what I want, then pursue it mercilessly until i have it.
I hope you all have a wonderful New Years, and may you all "get yours" in 2022! Don't forget to comment and tell me what your New Years resolutions are!